Response to Scary Mommy’s ‘The Reason Why My Daughter May Punch Your Son’

posted in: Parenting | 5

Scary Mommy Response

I’m a huge fan of the Scary Mommy blog and recently came across the article, The Reason Why My Daughter May Punch Your Son. I felt inclined to write a response.

I understand the point of the article.  Essentially, if my son snaps your daughter’s bra, you want her to know that she’s allowed to defend herself. You want her to know that she has a say in how she is treated by the opposite sex. But, maybe instead of teaching her to punch my son, you could teach her to say something.

I’m raising my son to respect women. I’ll cover what I can, but kids are creative, hormonal and, frankly, a little dumb. While I can cover bra snapping and skirt pulling, chances are by the time he’s in middle school there will be some new perverted, offensive trend that I know nothing about. Only these little boys won’t think it’s pervy; they’ll think it’s innocent fun. And some girls will too. Some girls might feel flattered by the attention.  Others may be genuinely amused. So, I’m relying on your daughter to be cognizant of her boundaries and confident enough to speak up and tell my son when his actions make her feel uncomfortable. I know that’s a lot of responsibility to place on your daughter and I appreciate it more then you’ll ever know.

I’m so proud of you for raising a daughter who doesn’t respond to these types of advances with a girlish giggle. I’m happy that your daughter has set boundaries for herself. But at the end of the day, those are HER boundaries. Unfortunately, the boys in her class, including my son, will not inherently know her boundaries. She has to tell them.

Maybe a punch in the throat will stop them from ever talking to her again, but it’s not going to stop them from doing these inappropriate acts to other girls who seem to enjoy it. I wish you had told your daughter to speak up for herself and all the other girls in her class; girls who may not know yet that they are more than their bodies. To speak loud and firm for all the boys and girls to hear.

I’m raising a son who will listen to your daughter.

I can tell him to never disrespectfully touch a girl. I’ll teach him how to be a gentleman. In an ideal world, my son and his friends will never stoop to the bra-snapping, skirt-pulling, level of disrespect. However, it’s your daughter and her friends who will decide what constitutes disrespect.

Instead of teaching your daughter to punch my son, you should teach her how to assertively and unapologetically voice when she feels disrespected. Teach her why certain behaviors are inappropriate and that it’s not her fault if someone crosses her personal boundaries. If you do your best to raise a daughter who knows how to voice her boundaries, I promise to do my best to raise a son who abides by them.

On a personal note, please don’t teach your daughter that her first response should be to punch my son in the throat. First give him a chance to apologize and correct his behavior; because although he would never hit her back… his older sister would likely kick her ass.

Karate Girl

However, if your daughter were to speak up for herself and my son were to ignore her and proceed with the disrespectful action, then by all means, teach her to punch him in the throat… and I’ll teach my daughter to stand by her side and kick him in the balls.









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5 Responses

  1. I love this response! I really like the Scary Mommy blog too. It’s hilarious! But I definitely agree that while everyone has the right to physically defend themselves, it’s important to teach kids to have the confidence to speak for themselves and critically think. Most problems in life exist in a gray area – most issues are not black and white. You can’t do nothing at all or totally lash out…usually the solution is somewhere in the middle and one of the most valuable things to teach your kids is to think before they act.

  2. Absolutely spot on. That scary mommy blog post is irresponsible click-bait, and should be taken down. As a parent of a boy and a girl (on the way!), and as someone who teaches self defense to women and kids of all genders, I have to say you have the 100% perfect response. And let’s also remember that a throat strike could potentially kill or permanently maim someone, and that (as you rightly point out) kids can be really dumb no matter what we teach them (did I mention I also taught 4th-8th grade for a decade?!). Self defense teaches APPROPRIATE responses to varying situations, and scary mommy’s response is as inappropriate as it gets.

    Teach you kids (of all genders) consent and appropriate boundaries. Teach those same kids how to defend themselves when necessary. And teach your kids that a strike to the throat is going to result in an assault charge for them and their scary mommies, especially if the throat in question belongs to one of my kids.

    • Kindness in Demand Admin

      You make a great point about the ramifications of a physical action like that. Thank you for commenting!

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  4. Neil Kiernan

    I posted a comment to that article that of course never got published as it’s clear the author likes an audience that goes along with everything she says. I am the father of a daughter who is a wrestler, and a boxer. And I have raised her absolutely to defend herself, and she has. But I have also raised her to intervene when a girl thinks it’s open season to start assaulting a boy who is bound by society not to defend himself. That said, depending on what kind of neighborhood her daughter finds herself in, she is liable to get her butt kicked for escalating the situation. A throat punch is also not something to play around with as it can be fatal.

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